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Joke of the Day

"I dropped my iPhone in water and now I'm unable to make phone calls. So basically it's the same as it was before."

"if a rabbit's foot brings good luck then, what happened to the rabbit?"

"What's large, grey and doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

"What do you call an elephant that no one needs? Irrelephant."

"How do you save a suicidal procrastinator? Tell them it can probably wait 'til tomorrow."

"what do you call a dinosaur with a big mouth, big ass and tiny hands? T-Rump"

"I was in the attic the other day... ...and I found a Christmas present that I meant to give to my daughter a year ago. It's a shame I forgot about it, she always wanted a puppy."

"My parents are in a fight My dad wanted to go see a lighthearted psychic. My mother wanted to buy some cheerful watercolors. I hope they find a happy medium"

"everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)"

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."