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Joke of the Day

"everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)"

"US Loretta Lynch confirms that all 7 FIFA officials dramatically threw themselves onto the ground faking injury when arrested earlier today."

"Did you guys hear the news? Apparently Donald Trump is a cuck."

"What's got six legs and can fly long distances ? Three swallows !"

"I use my notebook the same way I use my girlfriend. Just flip'em over every period."

"Opposites? What is the difference between light and hard? If a man tries long enough, he can sleep with a light on..."

"Reddit has 10 types of people. The type that analyze something before they comment and the type that take something at surface value and comment."

"What's faster than a speeding bullet? [Religion] A Jew with a coupon."

"Your name is Jeff with a G? Jeffg? Ok"

"What do you call a pair of identical twins who are stewardesses? Hostess Twinkies"