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Joke of the Day

"Why was the snowman smiling? He heard the snow blower coming"

"What do Eskimo's and Ziploc bags have in common? They both like a tight seal."

"The annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and realize I forgot to do something."

"SCIENCE: If you have another person posing with you in your twitter avatar, 100% of the time you're the uglier one."

"You gotta admit that humans are the ultimate #1 lifeform because we're essentially half mermaid but we also have legs for kicking and stuff."

"Back in my day invincibility cheats used to be called God Mode. 90 kid's will understand."

"Why do so many American kids die in school shootings? They're not allowed to run in the halls. [-Jimmy Carr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpxmKKtbw7w)"

"Did you hear about the idiot who filled out an employment application? In the blank labeled ""Church Preference"" he filled in: Red brick."

"Who ate a lot and conquered Rome? Atilla the Hungry."

"A 7 y/o asks his mom at the dinner table... ""Mom?"" ""Yes, honey?"" ""I can be whatever I want to be right?"" ""Yes, dear."" ""Then can I be a carnivore?"" ""...Eat your vegetables."""