21980

Joke of the Day

"Why do so many American kids die in school shootings? They're not allowed to run in the halls. [-Jimmy Carr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpxmKKtbw7w)"

"I lost my kid at the zoo the other day.... I couldn't find him, so they just shot all the animals."

"I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added ""Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer"" In my prayers"

"Why aren't there any republicans in Star-Trek? Because it's the future."

"My dog wouldn't shut up so I told him I killed the mailman. He was jealous but proud of me."

"What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light? A sunny day in Seattle."

"My sister said I'm being immature. I guess she isn't getting her nose back"

"Running away doesn't help you with your problems Unless you're fat. Then yeah, run."

"Where does a redditor's slutty girlfriend hide her other boyfriend? Idaho."

"This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life"