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Joke of the Day

"My main move is to say ""long story short,"" but then hit you with long story medium."

"What's the speed limit for sex? Sixty-eight. At 69 you have to turn around."

"What's long and hard on a black man? The First grade!"

"Mario Bros. Plumbing (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfri.... (Read More)"

"I went the school of hard knocks... My knuckles are still sore."

"Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good."

"I also like my coffee like i like my slaves. Hand-picked from a third world country. ...I'll show myself out."

"A guy came to me at the bar the other day and said ""Hey bartender, I don't have much money so give me a cheap shot!"" . . I told him ""your mom is ugly and your breathe stinks"""

"Why couldn't the grape help his friend move on Saturday? because he was in a jam"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? 'cause he was too far out man!"