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Joke of the Day

"My friend and I have a pact that if we're not married by age 40, we're going to fist bump and take shots for making good decisions"

"Why do sovereign citizens never turn on the lights? The sound of electricity triggers their PTSD."

"Two atoms in a pub Two atoms meet in the pub. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The second atom with a strong British accent asks, 'Are you sure?' The first one replies, ' yes I'm positive.'"

"Two men walk into a bar. You think one of them would have seen it..."

"You can stop lifting weights now; it's actually your personality that nobody likes."

"I have no problem getting women into the sack... ... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem."

"Movies are always more fun if you dress up like the characters. Like the time I didn't eat for 3 weeks and then saw Schindler's List."

"How are women like rocks? You skip the flat ones."

"Apparently ""The WiFi signal is the strongest there"" isn't the right answer when the boss asks ""Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"""

"Sometimes I bring maracas to a meeting just to shake things up."