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Joke of the Day

"I have no problem getting women into the sack... ... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They take things literally."

"My wife is angry because I brought home a B.L.T. instead of a roast beef sandwich. Oops, wrong sub."

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. What do you call a cow with two legs? Your mom"

"For people who've been around such a long time, grandparents seem constantly amazed that children grow."

"Wouldn't it be so cool if life had notifications like, *ONE NEW NOTIFICATION* Your boyfriend/girlfriend just cheated on you.."

"What would Elvis Presley be doing if he were alive today? Scratching at the inside of his coffin."

"All women really want is to be treated like you treat your iPhone."

"When I have to put on one of those thick leather weightlifter belts to take a shit, I know it's time to eat a vegetable."

"What do you call a dinosaur with too much power? A tyrant-osaurus rex! &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I'll see myself out..."