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Joke of the Day

"Had to get up at 8 o'clock to work. That's 8 in the MORNING. Like a fucking farmer or something."

"Did you hear about the accountant that audited the greengrocer? Sure was a turnip for the books"

"Hotel beds are often all the proof I need that Satan owns a mattress factory."

"Whats the difference between dawn and dusk? d(sun)/dt *facepalm* I'll see myself out."

"Why is the letter 'B' commonly regarded as a pervert in the alphabet? Because he can see the D"

"Why did Donald Trump outlaw grated cheese ? So he could make America grate again."

"My girlfriend started pms-ing today. I thinks it's just a big ovary action."

"Never have phone sex You'll catch hearing-aids"

"What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren."

"Can we all agree the biggest balls belong to the first person to set up a tip jar at Starbucks?"