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Joke of the Day

"A gaggle of geese. A murder of crows. A nope of laundry."

"How do you know you sister is on her period? Dad's cock tastes like blood."

"ME: [sitting in kitchen writing out bills] SON: I lost a tooth. I'm gonna leave it under my pillow tonight. ME: I'd wait until next week."

"Which day of the week do ghosts like best? Moandays."

"Why do gypsies suck at basketball? They always travel and their stealing attempts end up failing."

"Somewhere in the world, there's a real Nigerian Prince who wants to share his millions of dollars but can't find a beneficiary."

"Everyone sings ""Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You"" to their selfies, right guys? Guys?..."

"Looking at your innocent 5 year old now, I bet you can't imagine him drinking and taking drugs. Just you wait. First grade can be brutal."

"My relationship is like 2 Girls 1 Cup It started off beautifully but got shitty real quick."

"""Hi mom, don't worry but I'm in the hospital."" ""Heinz, stop calling me like that. You are now a doctor since 8 years."""