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Joke of the Day

"Last night my wife said that our bed had seen better days. She's right. When she stopped at her mum's last week, I had a threesome in it on Monday and Tuesday."

"Police officer: Excuse me but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle."

"The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

"As a Volkswagen Engineer, do you know what really grinds my gears? The Tiptronic transmission, actually, but I invented these noise cancelling headphones!"

"Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a separate box."

"[WOLF CUB] Dad, why do we howl at the moon? [WOLF DAD] Well son, the moon is made of cheese and that's rad as hell"

"Nothing screams ""I don't care about being on time for work"" like hopping on Twitter first thing in the morning."

"If you haven't taken at least 25,000 pictures of your cat then you shouldn't have a cat."

"Jokes are like frogs... they die when you dissect them"