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Joke of the Day

"googling ways to dispose of a body,mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen"

"""The secret is that it's all in the wrist!"" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something"

"Why would Rip Van Winkle make a good janitor? Because he swept for 20 years."

"My friend cooked up some otter the other day! It was otterly delicious."

"What's dark, empty and going no where fast? Your love life."

"What did Josh say when asked if his sister was good in bed? ""I Duggar."""

"Did you know Helen Keller had a swing in her backyard? Neither did she."

"What kind of candy is Hitler? A Jew-breaker!"

"According to the employee handbook, I only require to show up sober. It doesn't say I can't drink once I get here."

"Why does a midget laugh while running Because the grass tickles his balls"