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Joke of the Day

"as you wonder ""where the weed at?"" a worm hole opens up in front of you and through the portal an alien arm reaches out to pass you a blunt"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles!"

"Fun trick: Handcuff her and tell her you're taking her to 50 Shades of Grey. That way she can't escape when you go to The SpongeBob Movie."

"Why your mom never took you to the zoo They wouldn't allow you to leave"

"An Asian boy come home from the doctor and he tells his dad... Son: Dad the doctor said I'm allergic to bees Dad: That good, now you can only get A"

"What does an old lady's crotch taste like? Depends."

"The abusive relationship that I'm in is such a joke I spend everyday waiting for the punchline."

"Her: About last night, please understand that wasn't me... that was the wine. Me: ... Her: ... Me: Do you have a phone number for that wine?"

"The best vacation? Close your eyes and throw a dart at a map. Where did it land? Doesn't matter. Just keep your eyes closed and go to sleep."

"When I see a couple fighting I like to walk up to the one who's more pissed off and whisper ""We can make it look like a suicide"" and wink"