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Joke of the Day

"Facebook needs to add ""still banging my ex"" as a relationship status option"

"Which honorary degree is to be awarded to someone who has made contributions to PHP ? Ph.P."

"I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid but he says he can stop at anytime!"

"I would literally never feel confident enough to drop a piece of equipment as expensive as a mic."

"*puts dreamcatcher above bed* ""Sure hope this works"" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* ""YES"""

"Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends."

"I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn and they just hung up. They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling."

"Me: Hi, thanks for meeting with me. Oh is it pronounced Caroline or Carolynn? Her: anything is fine Me: ........ok Sarah, let's get started."

"There was this story on overcrowded animal shelters... I just couldn't put it down."

"I have a lot of disdain for anyone in the top 1% who hasn't become Batman."