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Joke of the Day

"I would literally never feel confident enough to drop a piece of equipment as expensive as a mic."

"Psst. The real reason Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting was to molt, mature & become Ryan Goose."

"You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one."

"Do you know why Jesus doesn't eat M&M's? Because they fall through the holes in his hands."

"What do you call it when fish stop having babies? Minnow-pause"

"Damn autocorrect... It's always making me say things I didn't Nintendo"

"Thanks for being here right on time. We'll see you in a few hours. - Doctors"

"I only work because it feels so good when I stop."

"Strip search? ... OK, but I'm going to need some background music."

"Why exactly did the teenage mutant ninja turtles need to wear masks? That shit doesn't fucking add up."