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Joke of the Day

"I can't do this. I think I'm dying. Why does your face look like a donut? ~ me 30 minutes into dieting"

"Have homeless dudes tried just running a comb through their hair?"

"How does NASA organize their missions. They Planet."

"[if Lois Lane was a witness] Criminal: *puts on glasses* Lois Lane: I'm sorry, I've never seen this man before."

"What do you call an English teacher five feet tall covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald? Sir!"

"a neanderthal scrawls a message on a cave wall, the etchings begin to glow red as he exceeds 140 characters"

"I'm not totally useless... I can be used as a bad example."

"A Woman Comes To The Physician - Herr doctor! My husband is very sick! - OK. Get undressed and show me what does he complain of..."

"I love how people act like they don't want to be followed in the street yet they keep looking back at you to see if you're still there."

"What'd the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam!"