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Joke of the Day

"My son asked me what it is like to be married.. So I deleted all the music on his ipod except for 1 song."

"I was tired of the fascist dictator who ran the Bird Imitators Society.. So I took control with a violent coup."

"What do you call a dog underwater? A sub woofer."

"A farmer asks a physicist for a system to collect chicken eggs The physicist thinks for a while and says: -I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens and in vacuum."

"[tells friend cat passed away] Is there anything I can do? Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap But I- [starts crying] OK OK"

"Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But, numbers can. 4/10"

"A guy barges into a psychiatrist's office, and screams... ""Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!"" The doctor calmly answers ""Pay me in advance"""

"I'm like an onion When I cut myself i cry"

"Return policy: ""If for any reason you are not satisfied..."" Ok, I'm not satisfied because dwarves and rockets."

"Ay girl, are you a Pokemon? Because I wanna take a Pikachu."