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Joke of the Day

"When someone is absolutely positively sure they're right about something is when I'm absolutely positve they're completely full of shit."

"A short penis joke I'm Asian"

"train me. no. train me. okay. training montage. the big fight. i'm glad you trained me. i'm glad i trained you. #everyboxingmovie"

"Yo momma so fat, when she stepped on the scale Buzz Lightyear popped up and said ""TO INFINITY... AND BEYOND!"""

"Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids."

"What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? My girlfriend knows about my wife."

"Don't buy a belt at the zoo, it's just a snake trying to escape."

"There's a thin line between word and world."

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish."

"Don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each-other."