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Joke of the Day

"Yo momma so fat, when she stepped on the scale Buzz Lightyear popped up and said ""TO INFINITY... AND BEYOND!"""

"What do you call a russian tree? Dimitree"

"If you had to steal a bike from someone, who would it be? A black guy, because it's probably already stolen."

"Bored? Sneak a dog into the movies and loudly explain the plot to the dog"

"My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school. She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest."

"Nothing good can come out of answering your landline."

"Why did Vietnam revolt against the French? Because they knew they would Nguyen."

"Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit."

"How many Obama-voters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Obama voters are obviously too lazy to work at anything, so they just HOPE for the lightbulb to CHANGE."

"CUTE GIRL: [motioning to my dog] is he yours? ME: no, he's adopted"