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Joke of the Day

"If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor."

"*re-dials* Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?"

"Lesbian vampires What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month."

"I would make an alliance of agnostics... but I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"I like my woman like I like my coffee Served at 160F."

"The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, ""Duck"". His mother slaps him."

"Where's the best place for a horse to grow up? In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me."

"Ever have a feeling like you've tasted that mustard before? That's called Dijon Vu."

"Whenever I'm nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet."

"Honestly, I think Bernie Sanders is just angry about email in general. #DemDebate"