188180

Joke of the Day

"*re-dials* Hey girl, before I come over, did you say you were in a jacuzzi or the yakuza?"

"Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas"

"What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy? I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

"crazy to think that back in the 1940s, extra guacamole at chipotle only cost a nickel"

"Help I'm addicted to skin I can't stop wearing it!"

"id be so offended if a group of ppl just rolled through my room on safari rn as im lounging in bed and just pointed at me and took pictures"

"We play cop games because my boyfriend likes to ""discharge his weapon."""

"Used to be a twin I used to be a twin. My mother has a picture of me when I was two."

"What do you call movie night at Bill Cosby's house? Netflix and pill"

"Two atoms are walking down the street... The first atom says ""hey, you just stole my electron!"" The second atom says ""are you sure?"" The first atom says "" yes, i'm positive."""