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Joke of the Day

"Dear people with resolutions, Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks."

"I wish I was a little bit kidding when I say that I just chose peanut M&Ms over regular ones because protein"

"Why does Highlander 2 exist? There can only be one."

"Her: Hi, I'm Jane Me: I'm Christopher, but everyone calls me Dick for short. Her: How do you get Dick from Christopher? Me: You Ask nicely."

"If you're seen one shopping centre... You've seen a mall."

"Parents that tell u ""it's just a little noise"" when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud"

"Son, if you masturbate too much you'll go blind! Ahh, I'm over here Dad."

"They say ""You are what you eat"" so I guess we should eat skinny people."

"If i dress up as a sea shell nobody can see me... It's my clamouflage."

"""Yo bro this horse is actin a little weird"" ""Dude thats my dog get off"" ""why is ur horse so small"" ""Its a DOG"" Why u pronouncing horse weird"