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Joke of the Day

"A movie theater near me closed down they didn't meet projections"

"May I pay you handsomely, good sir? -Why yes you may. *opens wallet* *pulls out Ryan Gosling*"

"The authorities just apprehended a notorious cereal killer. When they asked him why he did it, he said... ... he did it for the Kix."

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre.!"

"Unbelievable! Just checked the roster and I've got to work Christmas Eve from midnight. If it wasn't for all the free wine and altar boys I'd seriously jack-in this 'priest' malarkey."

"What sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother."

"I never give homeless people drugs because I know they're just going to trade them for food"

"[party] What exactly does BYOB mean? ""Bring your own beer"" Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat"

"How do you tell if someone is vegan or not? Don't worry, they'll fucking tell you."

"How my dad taught me how to button my suit coats. He said *""Think of it like a woman; sometimes the top, always the middle, but never the bottom.""*"