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Joke of the Day

"If a man holds the car door open for a women, then you know that one of the two is new."

"<-- Pops double collar and eats hamburger with a fork and knife"

"I got done for shoplifting today. I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked 7 up."

"As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit"

"I gotta hand it to Stephen Hawking because he can't catch."

"OK - who knows their Soupy Sales lines? I'll give you the set-ups, you give us the lines."

"I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby.... But I have no clue how to make an iPhone..."

"I'm pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be ""Are you going to eat that?"""

"- I'm your son's teacher and I'm calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar. - And a damn good one. I don't have any sons."

"Today I found out what it feels like to be discriminated against. I was unfairly labeled a scrub JUST because I was hanging out the passenger side of my best friend's ride."