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Joke of the Day
"[frantically pressing buttons on spaceship control panel] WHICH ONE IS FOR POPCORN"
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"How can you tell Russians are bad at driving stick? cause their cars are always Stalin"
"if i was a conductor of an orchestra, i would abuse my power by making them warm up to a stirring rendition of ""ice, ice, baby."""
"I met a girl with 12 nipples today ""Woo, sounds fun."" Dozen tit!"
"Knock knock... ""Knock knock"" 'Who's there?' ""Doctor"" 'Doctor who?' ""I plan to take that answer to my grave!"""
"My daughter is now at the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. This morning she asked, ""Was that the best you could do?"""
"German sausages... are the wurst."
"How to measure the perfect amount of pasta Step 1: Measure out the perfect amount of pasta. Step 2: Wrong."
"If I had a dollar for every person alive I wanted to kill... I might have let a few of them live."
"Did you hear the one about the deaf kid? Neither did he."