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Joke of the Day

"Charlie couldn't believe he was being allowed into the Chocolate Factory... ...his girlfriend had been dead against it for years!"

"I'm taking my niece and nephew to the corn maze today. If I can't lose them there, I'll try the mall again."

"Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I'm calling it ""Prom Nom Nom"""

"As you get older, dirty talk turns into ""Yeah baby, take that nap. Take all of it honey. You like that couch? Oh yeah, sleep on it..."""

"i cant get a dog because it will give strangers an excuse to talk to me"

"I just noticed how high the prices were for the Adele concert So I said ""Heeeellloooooooo from the Parking loooooooooottt"""

"What does a blowjob and a steady job have in common ? I haven't had either in five years"

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"Ladies, call me Adobe Updater, because I nag you at least once a week and never seem to work"

"The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure."