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Joke of the Day

"Some days I think my mental health is coming along nicely, other days I'm vaguely jealous of turtles."

"What do you give an injured alligator? Gatorade"

"Once I had a dog... Once I had a dog name Marlboro who didn't have any legs. Sometimes I'd take him out and we'd go for a drag"

"Why doesn't Jesus play hockey? He doesn't want to get nailed to the Boards."

"""For my next illusion"" the magician announces: ""Free will!"" Everyone starts clapping but they don't know why"

"So I wanted to make a YouTube channel about Reddit... They wouldn't let me name it RedTube."

"mum is mad that she bought me a treadmill & i never use it. shes wrong; i put a burger on it just this morning and had it zoom into my mouth"

"What is the difference between snow-men and snow-women?... Snow-balls."

"I wouldn't take a bullet for you but I'd definitely push someone in front of you to take it for you. Same thing."

"what was was the last thing that went through the fly's mind when he hit the windshield? His butt"