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Joke of the Day

"Waiter: how do you want your burger? Me: *points to girl at another table not taking a picture of her dinner* that rare"

"My kid sold your honor student a quarter ounce of oregano."

"What do old lady vaginas smell like? Depends."

"Why do scuba-divers go in backwards? Because if they went forward they'd fall in the boat."

"My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated."

"God I hate these crossword puzzles Does anyone know a 3 letter word for ""Father""?"

"Shooting guns is a stupid hobby. Its much easier and more cost efficient to shoot targets!"

"My high must be wearing off, because that cop car that pulled me over 20 minutes ago is starting to look like a house with Christmas lights."

"I'm giving up negativity for lent. We'll see how long that lasts. Edit: aware it should be pessimism. This is a serious quote from a friend who didn't realise what she'd said."

"What's the difference between america and a yoghurt? A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years."