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Joke of the Day

"I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery"

"I met a girl who said she'd met me at Vegetarian club... But I swear I've never seen herbivore!"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him!"

"For Sale: 5yr old BMW Turn signals like new!"

"A teenager was stabbed to death in a shopping mall over a stolen pair of trainers. Those security guards don't fuck about."

"My sex life has improved so much I'm thinking of asking someone else to join me..."

"How do you catch a WiFi? With an ethernet!"

"What do you get when you see Bill Cosby in double-vision? Raped."

"Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone. If you're reading this, I'm already dead."

"It's not a matter of WHEN the world will end... ...it's WHICH Applebee's you find out at."