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Joke of the Day

"TIL That I'm NEVER getting prostate cancer"

"I've completely cocooned myself in this blanket, and I'm not coming out until I'm a fully functional adult or a butterfly."

"The Bible is a lot like those online Terms of Use Agreements. Everyone says they agree with it, but very few people actually read it."

"Watching my kid pick his nose is disgusting. He wipes the boogers on his shirt instead of the closest cat like a normal person."

"When people say ""You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!"" I'm like: Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot."

"Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% battery left"

"My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life."

"Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop. I'll show myself out."

"If a young boy dog is called a puppy... then what is a young girl dog called? A puppet!"

"Well, that's the last time I tell my girlfriend to sit on my face... whilst doing a Sean Connery impersonation."