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Joke of the Day

"look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did"

"What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes? A friar? A chip monk?"

"Using my son's raincoat as a hat so my hair doesn't get messed up. He's doing the cutest little shivers!"

"Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea"

"Dirty joke Do you know who the biggest whore in history is? Mrs. Pacman. For a quarter, that bitch would swallow balls 'till she died."

"Boss: This is the 3rd time I've seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means? Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?"

"Instagram makes me feel like the world's only employed person."

"Using only a paperclip, taffy, and rubber band, MacGuyver left another shitty tip."

"My friend said her neighbors came into her restaurant for a book club, turns out it was for a BDSM club. . . I guess people bond over different things."

"What's so cool about taking a picture of a bathroom mirror?"