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Joke of the Day

"Boss: This is the 3rd time I've seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means? Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?"

"Holocaust jokes aren't as funny when you have a relative that died in a concentration camp. To be fair though, if the fall from the gun tower hadn't killed Opa, the alcohol would have."

"Catholic Priests are taking one for the team... They're touching children, for Christ's sake..."

"If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

"My jokes are like cancer Only my dad gets it."

"""Let's fly to Russia, get a bucket of water from the Caspian Sea, then put it above the door so it falls on Jeff!"" - Impractical joke"

"How Many Friend Zoned Men Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb? None, they just all stand around complaining that it won't screw!"

"My favorite machine in the gym is the water fountain."

"A man says to his wife, ""I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad."" She thinks for a minute then replies, ""you have the biggest penis out of all your friends."""

"If you give someone some Beethoven CDs for a gift and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach"