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Joke of the Day

"What type of pants does Mario wear? Denim, denim, denim."

"It's going to be a busy couple of months for Caitlyn Jenner Mothers' Day and then Fathers' Day"

"What is a cannibal's favorite type of gum? Chick clits."

"Went to a restaurant last night and the waitress had a black eye. I ordered slow and made sure to speak clearly. Because she obviously doesn't listen."

"Why did Jesus curse the fig tree? [God hates figs.](http://www.wikiwand.com/en/Cursing_the_fig_tree)"

"And we're still calling it auto ""correct"" because...."

"When mad at the hubby, I just tweet about it. I don't sleep with a waitress that looks just like him. I'm talking to you David Arquette."

"Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live."

"When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account."