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Joke of the Day

"Hey baby! What's up? Baby: My mother's uterus."

"Pixar has made me feel affection towards rats, bugs, fish, robots, monsters and even cars. The real test would be a movie about coworkers."

"It seems I passed my mummy embalming exam... It was a no brainer!"

"Why did the Cephalopod get coal for christmas? Because he was on the nautilust."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Don't get me started"

"The three most read words in the world: I? ?L?o?v?e? ?Y?o?u? ...NO! It's: ""Made in China."""

"""It behooves you."" -Inventor of the horseshoe, explaining to a dubious horse."

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? He still hasn't unwrapped his present."

"2 bats hanging on a branch Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, ""Do you recall your worst day last year?"" The other responds, ""Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"""

"You can call me Vladimir. Because I'm going to be Putin it in your butt <3"