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Joke of the Day

"I have sexdaily I mean dyslexia fcuk"

"Husband to daughter's boyfriend... ...""Glad to finally meet you. I've noticed you in our food budget for some time now."""

"Why did the stoneworker get fired? Because he took his job for granite I'll show myself out."

"First Cannibal: ""Have you seen the dentist?"" Second Cannibal: ""Yes he filled my teeth at dinner time."""

"I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself."

"I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else."

"A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says ""single"" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then no fucking shit"

"Dogs were the first social justice warriors They hate mailmen."

"It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again."

"Nothing brings a family closer at graduation than a flask."