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Joke of the Day

"College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back."

"When I asked my girlfriend what car she was going to buy... She said, ""I don't know. I just want something that gets me from A to B."" She's so stupid. No car is going to increase her cup size."

"Can I program my dvr to delete Whitney but keep the funny commercials?"

"What is your favorite Brian Williams joke? I was there during the big bang of the universe - Brian Williams"

"What's pink and retarded? A Flamongo."

"[me as a ninja] [a smoke ball is thrown in a park] [when the smoke clears, all of the dogs in the park have stealthily been petted]"

"What's a terrorists favorite sex toy? [NSFW] A blow up doll!"

"I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.."

"My parents are a little weird...My mom wears my dad's clothes, and my dad wears my mom's clothes... They are transparents."

"Q: Why don't blondes eat Jelly? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads."