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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a homeless guy who broke up with his girlfriend a while ago? A man who hasn't eaten in days."

"I quit my job today!! The money from that Nigerian king arrives tomorrow, I'm so excited."

"How can you tell someone's a navy seal? they'll tell you in their novel."

"I like it when people complement me on my grammar"

"How do u kill a blonde paraplegic with one arm hanging from a tree? Wave"

"Never believe minotaurs... Half of everything they say is bull."

"What did one amorous flea say to the other? I love you aw-flea."

"What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat"

"Flung my bra across the room and it sailed right into the drawer, if any of you are looking to start a basketball team that uses bras."

"Him: I think I'm getting sick. Me: Do you want some euthanasia? Him: I'm pretty sure it's called echinacea. Me: Tomato, tomahto."