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Joke of the Day

"{Police Job Interview} Captain: Go out & kill 5 Blacks, 3 Mexicans & a kitten. Recruit: Why kill a kitten? Captain: You're hired."

"What do you call an ant that's walking in perfect form? An informant"

"if u think ur house is haunted get a cat. whooshing sound? it's the cat. hear footsteps? def the cat. unseen being devouring your soul? cat."

"Everyone lectures Americans about our politics.. We use our military to lecture the rest of the world's on theirs."

"*NSFW-ish* Two nuns Two nun's are crossing the road when a vampire jumps out. Nun 1 turns to Nun 2 and says ""Quick, show him your cross"" Nun 2 turns to the Vampire and says ""Oi, Fuck off!"""

"What do you call a stupid skeleton? Bonehead."

"i look at my phone's 100% battery icon with the same fondness as proud parents watching their children bounce out of bed yelling ""pancakes!"""

"An old teacher asked her student... ""If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"" The student replied, ""It is obviously past."""

"Why did the zombie only eat blonde brains? She was on a diet."

"What do you call a lesbian Pakistani? Minge eater"