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Joke of the Day

"Why did the zombie only eat blonde brains? She was on a diet."

"Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack."

"I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid"

"New years eve. An evening of fun, alcohol, laughter,, family, and friends Or at least that's what it could have been if you weren't sat here browsing reddit"

"It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory."

"On the way into work I dropped my doughnut on the sidewalk. You read about these things, but never think it'll happen to you."

"What's the Difference Between a Hormone and a Pheromone? You can't hear a pheromone."

"Where do cows like to live? St. Moo-is."

"Why didn't the pony speak? Because he was a little hoarse...."

"I don't see the issue with microcephaly. Personally, I love a little head."