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Joke of the Day

"I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house."

"*sits son down for the talk* You ready? ""Yeah"" Ok. When a man and a woman love each other- *pulls out Pokeball* -they throw this at a baby"

"Some women bounce back quickly after pregnancy.. some just bounce"

"What did Ryu say when he was taking a dump?... ""IMMM-DUKEN!'"""

"I fucked your mom! Shut up dad."

"A girl told me to come over... A girl told me, ""Come over, nobody's home."" I went over, nobody was home. (Rodney Dangerfield)"

"Make librarians cry by calling it a ""Book Museum"" while taking pictures with your iPad."

"Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about idiot teenagers who don't know the difference between sleeping and dead"

"I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A licalatapus"