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Joke of the Day

"I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house."

"""Don't quote me on that."" -anonymous"

"Kid just asked ""why is it called 'flipping the bird'? Why not turtle? Flipping the Turtle."" I can't even answer that bc WHY NOT TURTLE?!"

"Have you ever gone camping with Crohn's disease? Shits in tents."

"My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads. He has a serious gambling problem."

"Have you seen that clip of the LGBT stripper who's incorporated martial arts into her routine? No? Well if you want to, just Google ""Gypsy Bruce Lee""."

"Matthew McConaughey for president 2016: Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!"

"Just realized that I'm technically a vegan for the hours between dinner & breakfast. No wonder I feel so fucking superior all the time"

"Which hotel does Link use when he goes on vacation? The HYAT"

"What do you call the group of people with funny outfits that talk about peace and love and stuff Trekkies :)"