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Joke of the Day

"Kid just asked ""why is it called 'flipping the bird'? Why not turtle? Flipping the Turtle."" I can't even answer that bc WHY NOT TURTLE?!"

"Doctor says my kid has some form of hereditary ADHD He explained it to me, but I didn't really listen."

"A three-legged dog hobbles into an old western saloon He limps up to the bartender. ""I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."""

"Genders are like political parties... There are many, but only 2 actually matter."

"Dear Board of Education... So are we. - Sincerely, the students"

"""Every kiss begins with k"" I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush."

"I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea."

"I got dressed... I'm a changed man now."

"What's it called when you hit somebody with sodium chloride? Assalt"

"To the person who just mass messaged me that heart felt ""Merry Christmas"" text, I thought you should know everyone says ""Thanks"". ..All 115 of them."