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Joke of the Day

"[Getting waterboarded] ""Um, sir the subject isn't responding to interrogation, he's just getting bigger"" [Me, a sponge] ""MwahahaHAHAHAA"""

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon. Ones fun to smash with a mallet and the other ones a dead baby."

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unless you're stupid. In which case, who cares."

"So..... That thing on top ""i"" So the little dot on top of the letter i has a name.... You"

"Black people are human beings."

"I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn't hear me call shotgun."

"When Bill Gates's life flashes before his eyes, I hope it appears as PowerPoint presentation that employs every cheesy transition & effect."

"Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead"

"What's blue and gold and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts."

"What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass? Donald Trump's tie."