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Joke of the Day

"The more complex the handshake, the less complex the individual."

"How did the programmer celebrate his birthday? var celebration = [""Hip"", ""Hip""];"

"If I ever become a ghost, I sure hope they have some options other than pottery."

"I absolutely, unequivocally support any and all scientific efforts to create a real, working invisibility cloak. I just want to make myself crystal clear."

"Just once when someone says, ""Is anyone there?"" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. ""What up. I'm over here. You got me."""

"Nebraska bill allows K - 12 teachers to carry guns to school. In their defense, it is really hard to get a 9 year old to shut the fuck up."

"What's Hitler's favorite part of a golf course? The bunker"

"I have the perfect response to a text but its too mean Girl: What is your dumbest pet-peeve me: People asking stupid questions"

"For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked."

"What did the Klondike Bar say to Jesus? What would you do."