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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally started this account when I was looking for a banana bread recipe and things have gone horribly wrong."

"I hate when people say, ""You barely touched your food"" like what do you want me to do stroke it?"

"Archeologists digging in a site in Egypt found a mummy buried with a large amount of chocolate and nuts. Experts believe it to be the Pharaoh Roche."

"How much credibility is there in that whole ""you can punch yourself handsome"" theory? Asking for a friend."

"What do You Call Someone Who Self Harms In The Antarctica? An eskemo....."

"My Animal Science dissertation ""Are Hippos Just Girl Rhinoceroses?"" met with a healthy dose of scientific skepticism WHICH I WELCOME."

"My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-slapper at 3AM... Why does Bill Nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy? Because of the Nye Quill."

"What's the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates. #foreveralone"

"Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!"

"Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her."