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Joke of the Day

"Don't tell a lot about yourself, behind your back will tell more interestingly about you."

"Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all."

"So my son asked me where his sunglasses are. I said ""I don't know, where are my dadglasses?"""

"If you get a tattoo of a thermos, Is it now a thermostat?"

"My doctor said I have about a month left. So I stabbed him. The judge gave me ten to fifteen years. Crisis averted."

"The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series. I mean, the fifth book was dead serious."

"Are You From Boston? Because you're the bomb..."

"What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot? A Cellfie."

"[driving test] INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns? ME: Volcanoes I: About the test? M: No I: Ok then let's go M: *drives into active volcano*"

"What car is it best to grow grass on? K-K-K-Kia"