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Joke of the Day

"[driving test] INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns? ME: Volcanoes I: About the test? M: No I: Ok then let's go M: *drives into active volcano*"

"What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"Why do Christians like Swiss cheese? It's holey."

"I can't stop watching the Hunger Games movies... ...I have a heroine addiction."

"Would you like some headphones? The air hostess said to me, 'Of course I would! Oh and how did you know my name was Phones?'"

"If Donald Trump wants to send all the illegal female Mexicans back over the border Then he should give sexting a go."

"What does a pescatarian librarian eat when they're hungry for a little snack? Microfiche."

"Puns about women are not funny. Period."

"Why was the Formica factory so inefficient? Everything they did was counter productive."

"Last night I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of sprite... But when I woke up, I realised it was just a fantasy"