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Joke of the Day

"I ditched my ex gf. For lying. Lying under my best friend."

"Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them."

"Why is drinking American beer like making love in a canoe?"

"My neighbours are very loud when they have sex. And that's bad for my insomnia. Last night I was so fed up I had to scream their safety word."

"Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out"

"I hate people who buy gym memberships just to walk on a treadmill. WALKING IS FREE."

"Have you heard? They pulled the Steve Irwin brand of sunscreen off the shelves. It didn't protect against deadly rays."

"""I just launched a new fragrance!"" - fun way to announce a fart"

"What do Monica Lewinsky and a soda machine have in common? They both say insert Bill here"

"I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face."