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Joke of the Day

"Two blondes are at an CD store. One is buying a DVD. Blonde 1: Oh, what's that DVD about? Blonde 2: It's how to repair household items! Blonde 1: What do you need to repair? Blonde 2: My DVD player"

"So a dentist just finished his first root canal... I guess you could say it was his crowning achievement."

"How does every racist joke start? with a look over your shoulder"

"My great-grandmother lived to be 106 and never needed glasses. She always just drank straight from the bottle."

"Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup."

"""Ugh! Dave is coming to dinner"" ""Wait, Dave Jones or Dave who impersonates police cars?"" [long silence] [hears faint sirens in the distance]"

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer....... I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day"

"What do you get when you cross a bell with a bee? A humdinger."

"Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, then turn it to the left. Repeat this every time you are offered something to eat."

"Doctor: You have acute alcoholism. Me: Thanks, but let me tell you it's not very cute in the morning."