22892

Joke of the Day

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer....... I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day"

"-40 outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius. My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes."

"I used to use alcohol as a crutch at parties Now it's more like Stephen Hawking's computer-chair"

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist!"

"""There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU."" And other inspirational things I say to my kids when we're in public."

"*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate..."

"Why do SJWs hate cannibals? They're always man-spreading on their sandwiches."

"I bought some ""no more tears"" shampoo but her hair still tore right out!"

"Y don't women grow beards? Coz it's in there jeans ;D"