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Joke of the Day

"It's not the size of the ship nor the motion in the ocean...it's whether the Captain can stay in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.."

Next Joke
 
"Mood ring Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead."
"Please stop calling it ""Black Friday"" That's offensive. It's ""African American Day Before Saturday"""
"I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend."
"My phone changed ""you wanna hang"" to ""you wanna bang"" and send........"
"If you pronounce the word vase like ""voz"" I'm gonna want to punch you in the foz"
"Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Russia? He was snowed in."
"Bae: come over Me: do you have food? Bae: my parents aren't home Me: Are they gonna come back with food?"
"The best part about being single is only having to say ""I'm sorry"" to the dog."
"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-three today and we don't know where the hell she is."