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Joke of the Day

"Mood ring Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead."

"What is Bernie Sanders' LEAST favorite band? SWV (sisters with voices)"

"Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Because the teacher said ""do your essay"""

"Apple and Fifty Shades of Gray are popular for the same reason ... ... they both offer the fantasy of being dominated by a rich guy, who pushes the boundarys of what you though you were into."

"What career is a perfect ten? Forensics"

"What are the two best arguments against democracy? Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton"

"A bear walks into a bar. He says, ""I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic."" The bartender says, ""Sure, but what about the big pause?"" The bear says, ""I was born with them."""

"Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them."

"I don't know what is more nerve wrecking... this first kiss or the first fart."

"Was just complaining about Mondays. Then I thought, ""Wow. David Lee Roth would never do that."" So I shut up & finished my breakfast."